


You'll Never Know My Name But You Can Call Me R.

by phan_on_the_nx_01



Series: the life of a secret agent and his quartermaster [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Hacking, Humour, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Phandom Big Bang, Q Branch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 19:25:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5102858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phan_on_the_nx_01/pseuds/phan_on_the_nx_01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bond! AU.<br/>Phil is R, Q's second in command and one of MI6's finest.<br/>003 is brash, flirty and a lovable little fucker.<br/>They meet and sparks fly.<br/>And Q is a little shit<br/>Written in the run up to SPECTRE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You'll Never Know My Name But You Can Call Me R.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jess and Lydia](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Jess+and+Lydia).



> I hope you have reading this as I has a huge amount of fun writing it.  
> Enjoy. :)

_“You realise what happens, Mr Lester, when you sign this document?” the woman, who only gave her name as M, said “your name is wiped off the system and you no longer exist, you will become R”_

_“R”._

_It rolled off Phil’s tongue and he swallowed. To give up everything for a job which that didn’t really have description or much of a fail safe. He wanted to do this._

_“I’ll sign”_

_He remembered signing his name for the last time at the age of 24 as Phil Lester._

_The woman smiled at him and held out her hand. He took it and shook her hand with now a small degree of confidence._

_“Welcome R, to MI6”_

***

  The first time he started coding was he was around 10, when he was bored one day and decided that there were some things on the home computer that needed adjustment. He improved its efficiency by 15% by the time he was 12 and managed to hack the school website when he was 13 with the words _Amazing Phil_ written everywhere as some sort of childish status symbol. He hacked a few other search engines when he was a bored 15 years old with nothing to do. It was strange how easy it was to hack them and tweak certain things as something to laugh about, not to seriously consider as a job. But as his hacking and coding got better, so did his business as a hacker. Some people noticed the innate talent he had for it as they saw his fingers fly across the keys, dancing to a tune very few could understand. They made him hack Facebook for a few hundred quid to adjust posts that made others look less than favourable and even got him get addresses of certain people. Phil never really thought about what he was doing or about the end result. It was the _sheer_ thrill of knowing he could get anywhere in the nethersphere of the internet with a few lines of code; all with a few cups of coffee in his system and Muse blasting through his headphones. He used coffee shops, not chains as they could trace his laptop, to do his coding and met clients on side streets and busy squares. That was his life going through university doing Computer Science at an almost boring pace. He needed something else than just theory, he needed the results.

  Until the day he decided he was going to hack MI6. It was shockingly easy for a secret service. And the next day he had men in suits at his door demanding he come with them, to see someone. That was the day he met his boss. She didn’t give her name but offered her initial, M. she told him “no one had hacked MI6 like the way he did”. She threatened prison and possible charges of treason against the state. Phil saw in her eyes that day that she realised he could be of use to the service. Even him, with his weird emo hair and bizarre tendencies. He was offered the position of second in command of Q Branch. And the rest they say is history. If you can find it, that is.

***

   _3 years later_

 “007 if you’re not going to listen to the most basic instructions I will send you on your next mission with a bubble gun and blu tack”.

 It had been a frustrating day at Q branch. Phil leant against one of the work benches lining the main console and watched the events unfold. He had handled a few missions with the infamous agent himself and knew exactly what Q was feeling. The new(ish) Quartermaster was around the same age as him matching both intelligence and annoyance with 00 agents perfectly. M had also changed around the same time as Q and Phil would always miss the woman who gave him the only job which meant he could hack into a worldwide terrorist’s bank account while still nursing his first cup of coffee.  He was bought back by Bond’s chuckle over the comms.

 “You love me really” 007 shot back. Q could only let out an exasperated sigh and continue to type and mutter under his breath “Unfortunately”. Phil grinned and started to walk back to his workstation. It was MI6’s worst kept secret of Q and Bond being a lot more than work colleagues. Q had stopped Bond’s sleeping around by simply standing up and answering back with enough sarcasm and wit to put the agent in place. They flirted back and forth over the comms, even with most of Q branch present. More than once Q came in with angry red marks on his neck, claiming the Quartermaster as the 00’s partner. It was also a given that if either were flirted or propositioned the person would have to be prepared for their life to turn into a living hell before they thought of doing it ever again. Phil supposed they took some gleeful pride in getting the others attention and intended for it to stay that way.

 A few exhausting hours later the mission was completed and Q arrived at his desk with a cup of earl grey in one hand and his coffee in another. They drank quietly for a few moments until Q spoke up.

 “R, I need you to meet with a new 00 for me”. Phil stopped drinking and set down his mug with careful precision.

 “Why?” Phil questioned.

 “We have three highly sensitive missions running at the moment and this agent needs to be briefed by someone who I can trust” Q replied “he’s one of the youngest to achieve 00 status and we don’t want him to be MI6’s worst mistake”.

 “Who was MI6’s worst mistake?”

 Q smirked.

 “Bond of course”

***

 The National Gallery had become a popular meet up for debriefing agents and Q branch. Neutral ground for all involved. Phil jogged up the steps to the building at 1:00pm the next day to meet with the new agent. The new agent was assigned 003 status at the age of 24, excelling at combat and rising through the ranks at an astounding pace for someone so young. His name was Dan Howell. _Good name for an agent_ Phil thought as he reached the painting he was meant to rendezvous at. _The Flying Temeraire_ was hanging pride of place in one of the many halls of the gallery. He probably stood out amongst all the exquisite art with his space coast and hastily put together outfit of black skinny jeans and fox jumper. Thank god for a relaxed uniform policy in Q branch. Only people who made regular appearances in front of government and the public had to dress up. Phil was never one for suits or expense. He took a seat at the bench facing the painting and waited for 003 to make his appearance. He knew what he looked like from his identification. He was Phil’s height with scarily similar hair and brown eyes. He didn’t look like a man built for combat but then again, Phil mused, he didn’t look like a guy who could make your credit score plummet faster than a rollercoaster.

 “Excuse me is anyone sitting here?” a voice came from his left snapping him from his thoughts.

 “No, please sit down” Phil smiled and looked at the man for the first time. _Shit_ Phil thought _no one_ _told me_ _he was also hotter than the bottom of my laptop_. The man Phil now indentified as Dan Howell, the new 003, sat down probably closer than it was deemed necessary.

 “Do you come here often?” 003 enquired “I mean a guy like you can’t hang around in art galleries all his life with that body”. Phil could only blush. The agent clearly hadn’t realised he was his contact; he probably thought R was some old fart with a balding head, and had intention of using his new 00 status to thrill and kill.

 “Not often no”. Phil stared at the painting and focused on the swirling blues of the sky when he felt the agent’s hot breath against his ear. This was not in his job description _at all_.

 “Perhaps I could make it more interesting for you then”. Howell tugged at his hand and attempted to drag him off the bench and probably knew the where the closest bathroom was for a quick fuck. Phil resolved in his mind that this was not how this was going to go.

 “003”. Howell stopped his tugging and his eyes widened as he realised he had propositioned his superior for a shag in a gallery. He let go of Phil’s arm and sat again.

 “You’re R?” the Agent said with a fair degree of embarrassment.

 “Yes”. Howell went a deep crimson and covered his head in his hands.

 “Great first impression you’ve made” Phil continued “I am flattered but I am here to debrief you not to engage in sexual relations of any kind, you’re lucky you didn’t have Q meet you”

 Howell lifted his head from his hands and stared at him.

 “Why?” Phil smirked smugly.

 “Because his boyfriend would have made sure you never got another mission in your life and a pile of paperwork to keep you occupied for the rest of your career in MI6”. 003 shuddered and he hadn’t _even_ met them yet.

 “Okay we’ll start again shall we?” Howell ventured. Phil looked over to him.

 “Yes. Let’s start again”. He held out his hand.

 “My name is R”

***

  He arrived at Q branch with a cup of strong coffee and a beaming smile on his face. He had sent 003 on his first mission and loved the smile on the agent’s face when he saw his personalised handprint gun. Luckily he didn’t ask for an exploding pen or something equally out there.

 “You’re happy” Q greeted without looking up from his keyboard “meeting with 003 go well”. Phil set his coffee down on his desk and walked over to Q.

 “What makes you believe that dear Quartermaster?” he proclaimed. He watched the various CCTV footage of 005; in pursuit of a well known arms dealer across Athens.

 All in a days work.

 “You look like the cat that got the cream and the canary”

 “003 seems capable of doing his job and well....lets just say he may need help with indentifying superiors” he grinned. Q stopped typing and picked up his earl grey, sipping on it as he waited for Phil to actually explain.

 “He thought I was an innocent bystander and tried to drag me to the nearest bathroom for a shag”. He laughed when Q spluttered on his tea and almost spilled it on his laptop.

 “Seriously? Then again all new agents believe they can do anything” Q choked out between a few coughs. Phil kept on grinning. Then the next question startled him all the more.

 “So you gonna take him up on his offer?”

“What? No!”

Q smirked. Phil then remembered how the Quartermaster had held out for six months before going on a date with 007, enough to frustrate and enchant the agent so much that it was surprising that they both kept it in their pants for that long. He barely knew Howell and was only going to be guiding him through a few missions before he was handed over to Q.

 “Did he like his gadgets?” Q asked as he turned back to his laptop and began to furiously type.

 “Yes”

 “Then you found one way to his heart. R, I need CCTV around the Benaki Museum immediately. We’ll continue this conversation later”

***

 Four hours and an extraction team later, Athens was safe. _Although_ Phil mused as he and Q walked to a nearby bar in Vauxhall to grab a much needed drink _I’m definitely not_. Moneypenny had also joined them but was arriving later, as M was once again trapped in meeting about the conduct of MI6. So some buildings were destroyed, what was the harm?

 “I need something strong” Q groaned as they walked up to the bar “and you need something so you can manage guiding 003 tomorrow”

 “Are you going to present when I guide him?” Phil questioned as Q ordered their drinks.

 “As Quartermaster and your friend, yes I will. So refrain from flirting too much”. Phil snorted at this.

 “You’re the one to talk” 

 “Just because I’m getting something doesn’t mean you have to be bitter Phil”.

 It took Phil some time for register that Q had used his real name. Few knew it and it was kept in the safest files. He was important personnel and his name to link to weaknesses and his former life. To give to just anyone would be dangerous. Sometimes he missed being identified by his name instead of that singular initial.

 “At least I never have to deal with 005” Phil quipped back “the man is relentless”.

 “He thinks he’s the god of sex” Q snorted. As this remark was made Moneypenny walked through the bar doors. She made her way to the table and smiled at the two men.

 “Talking about 005 again Q? James would jealous” she laughed. Q pouted and elbowed Phil as he stifled his giggles.

 “James isn’t here and 005 is _never_ going to warming my bed, thank you very much” Q shot back in his clipped English tones as he sipped his whisky. They had never been huge drinkers but this was a day of exceptional things, so it warranted a break from 24 hour coffee shops. Moneypenny turned to Phil ignoring Q’s remark.

 “So I heard from the minions from Q branch 003 offered you something very appealing today R”. Phil cursed under his breath. The minions were relentless gossipers and deal makers, determined to gain some money from some innocent bystanders from Finance in their betting pools.

“He offered to have sex with me in a National Gallery toilet, hardly an appealing offer”.

“Sounds appealing to me”

“Moneypenny!” Phil blushed for what seemed the third or fourth time that day. _Why does everyone want to get me laid_?

 “You dear R need to get this man in your bed pronto” Q grinned evilly. Phil sometimes swore that his boss was an evil genius with enough self restraint to not consider world domination.

 “I have a plan” Moneypenny chimed in “and you’ll have your man in fewer than six months tops R”

 Oh great.

***

 “003 as much as the scenery is lovely in Miami you need to take out the target before I do it for you”. Phil groaned as he heard a snicker in his earbud.

“Oh R your hands could probably do so much more than that”. 003 was, in a word, relentless. Even as he was travelling to North Miami Beach his flirting was unstoppable and at times Phil has to mute the audio so it wasn’t on official records. The Agent was even wearing all black in the baking sun.

 “How are you not dying wearing all that black?” Phil quickly changed the subject in an effort to get the mission back on track. His fingers flew across his laptop keyboard in an effort to get a visual around the bar he was meeting the target. It was fairly upmarket place called Houston’s and the target had special preference to it. Villains of today were pickier than before, that was certainly a given.

 “Aesthetic, R, aesthetic”. Phil face palmed as Q who had appeared from his office to finally to check up on their progress.

 “Going well?” Q asked

 “Better than expected given the fact 003 likes to take his time” Phil muttered.

 “I can hear you R. Your husky tones are appealing even when you’re insulting me”. Phil jolted at that.

 “003 have you arrived at the bar?” Q questioned “this man needs to be taken out”

 “Yes sir” 003, who had come into visual range of the cameras Phil had hacked, saluted to the camera and winked “see you on the other side”

 The agent disappeared into the restaurant without a backward glance.

***

 The Sofitel hotel, Buenos Aires, looked beautiful even from Phil’s pixelated monitor. It was a simple retrieval mission of some _highly_ sensitive information. And even new agents could cock up this. 003 did, in amazing style.

“You never cease to amaze me with your stupidity”. The agent thought it was clever to just take the hard drive without even thinking of the very angry overlord villain in the other room, negotiating its price with another super villain.

“You love it really”

“I bloody well hope not” Phil said with exasperation “do keep on running agent, if you can manage it”

 “You say the sweetest thing’s R”

 “Go right and you should reach a service elevator” he commanded “how did you fit in those jeans, Jesus Christ. You have a welcoming party on your arriving floor” he added hastily.

He saw the agent nod at the elevator camera.

“I can run in these as I have experience and, you may have noticed, my ass does look fine in them”. The elevators door opened and the ‘greeting party’ was quickly wiped out by superior marksmanship and, at times, sheer dumb luck. And 003’s ass _did_   look fine in those jeans; not that Phil would admit it. Maybe when severely intoxicated…maybe.         

“Your retrieval team is half an hour away 003. Please keep the hard drive safe, I really don’t want to deal with an angry Q”

 “Where is he anyway?” 003 questioned.

“007 arrived from a mission three hours ago, take a wild guess”

“Oh”

“Yes” Phil grinned victoriously.

“Can you greet me the same way when I come home R?” The agent teased.

“Oh god no”

***

_One month later_

003 had excelled at all missions presented to him. However he had a stigma against honeypot missions and most of all, marks. Phil pondered this as he waited for the firing range to be free for use of Q branches newly developed weapons. There were improved Walther’s to test which were waiting for no one. 003 had slept with no one since he was given 00 status. He instead got information in other ways but never used seduction as a means to get what he wanted. It confused him how he could just charm the information out of them; without ever _considering_ taking them to bed.

 “What is worrying your pretty head R?”

  _Speak of the devil thou shall appear_ Phil thought. The Agent was in all black again with earring studs. He was leaning against the door to the waiting station, his body thrown forward and arms crossed.

 “None of your business 003. Aren’t you meant to be debriefing with M over you mission to Russia?”

 “My name is Dan, R. what is your name anyway? It feels weird to call you by just an initial”. Phil winced at the request.

 “No”

 “Why not?” 003, _Dan_ he reminded himself, laughed.

 “I’m can’t tell you”

 “Why?”

 “Because it doesn’t exist. I am R. Nothing more, nothing less”. Dan’s face dropped from the grin he was sporting.

 “I have a feeling you are so much more than an initial. I will find out R… eventually”

 Phil laughed bitterly.

 “Good luck 003”

 “I don’t need luck R”

***

 “How does he do it?” Q speculated “He hasn’t slept with a single mark since his stint started”. Phil shrugged and he lined up for his next shot. The gun felt foreign in his hands but all MI6 had basic firearms training; so he could handle a gun when needed.

  _Bang_

_Bang_

_Bang_

“No idea”

“Is he saving himself for someone?” Q sipped on his tea as he leant against a workbench “a little to the left”. Phil huffed as he readjusted his aim.

 “He asked for my name, Q, my real name”

 “Oh”

The words hung in the air.

 “Do you want to give your name to him?” Q questioned

 “I” _bang_ “don’t” _bang_ “know” _bang_. He set the gun down and sat down on the bench.

 “I don’t know”.

The target displayed was splayed with bullets; all of the shots in the bulls eye

***

  _For you from Miami x_

It was a scrabble mug, much like Q’s, sitting on his desk. It had his initial on it and it’s score. He picked it up and examined it. There was another note on his laptop lid as well.

  _Dinner tonight, I want to know the man who guides me._

_Duck and Waffle. 8:00pm_

Phil’s mouth watered. He had wanted to try that place for a long time.

_Damn it Q._

***

 The city was beautiful from this far up. Forty floors up and apparently on a date; not how Phil expected to spend his evening. He was more than prepared for pizza and Game of Thrones but alas it was not to be. He walked up to the maitre’d.

 “Um table for Howell?” he announced. The waiter smiled and gestured for him to follow. They wandered through the restaurant and came to a secluded table for two. There was Howell looking like the shit he was.

 “Ah! You came. Please sit down” he gestured to the seat opposite and Phil sat tentatively. Howell frowned “why are you nervous?”

 “I haven’t done this in awhile” he blurted out.

“Well neither have I”. Phil looked up, mildly shocked.

“Y-you go on dates all the time” he stuttered out “you’re a double 00 agent… it’s practically in your job description!” Dan leaned forward and, in a hushed tone, said

 “Not with anyone I really like”.

_Oh god._

“Like? What the hell are talking about?” Phil felt like he was back at secondary school, a world of stupid crushes and awkward conversations.

“You, dear R, are irresistible”. 003’s voice had lowered an octave and his eyes seems impossibly darker under the low lighting. Phil swallowed as the heat rose to his cheeks at an impossible rate. He righted himself and stared back.

 “There’s going to be rules though”

“What?”

“Rule one: don’t ask for my name”. Dan nodded.

“Understandable”

“Two: I’m holding out until you at least tell me something more than what is on your file? If you want to know me, I want to know you”

“Anything else, R?” Howell was smiling, his pearly white teeth shining.

“No”

“Then let’s enjoy our date”

***

 Q was in full on smug mode when Phil arrived next morning.

“So how was it? Everything you ever dreamed?” Q teased as Phil tossed his coat on the back of his chair.

 “Oh piss off Q”

“So it was good!” Phil shrugged then grinned manically. It had been one of the best dates in all of his 28 years. They had a lot of common that they never realised and conversation flowed like water between the two.

“That and more” Q scrunched up his face and made a retching sound as a few of the minions snickered around them.

“Don’t make it sound like those god awful rom-coms Moneypenny makes us watch”

“I’m not. It just…was” Phil sighed.

“Chin up, R. You don’t have to marry him” Q reassured “you do, however, have to get me visual at Grantley Adams International Airport; my boyfriend has cocked up _again_ ”

“I resent that remark”

 The voice came through the speakers on either side on the large screen dominating the furthest wall. Q huffed and turned around.

“Yes you have”

“At least let me give R congratulations on bagging 003 as a boyfriend, and then you can get pissy with me”.

“Not my boyfriend!” Phil shouted as he hastily typed in strings of code to bring up all the nearest CCTV at Bond’s location.

 Bond laughed.

“Keep telling yourself that kid”

***

“R, I didn’t know you could shoot a gun”

“You didn’t know I liked Muse until last night”. Phil was at the shooting range again, testing out a newly developed handgun. Q was currently occupied with his ‘boyfriend’s cock up’ so sent him down to get the results before R&D wanted to approve them for production.

“Ah yes last night. Wonderful, wasn’t it? Never seen a man look that hot in plaid”.

“003 _please_. I’m trying to get results here”. Dan finally walked in and strode up to Phil pressing his body against Phil’s and sliding his arm up his.

“It’s Dan and I’m going to help you get those results”. Phil was fairly sure he could feel some blood rushing south at the pure thought. He felt the agent’s hot breath tickling the shell of his ear.

“Just trust me”

 And Phil did.

 _Bang._ Perfect centre. There was no space between their bodies.

 _Bang._ They shifted in sync as it went slightly to the left.

 _Just_ Trust me. Just _Trust_ me. Just Trust _me_. He felt relaxed, a sensation he had never felt when holding a gun.

“Why don’t you sleep with marks?” Phil whispered “I mean what makes me special?”

“Marks are nothing more than just pawns in a chess game that are looking for some attention before they’re thrown away again”. Despite Dan’s confident words as he shifted their positions again, his finger tensed around the trigger. “You however” the agent continued “are a mystery. That needs to be unlocked. You’re a challenge, R, and I like a challenge”.

 The human target was now littered with kill shots, mostly around the heart. Dan shuffled backward so he was no longer back to back with Phil.

“Thank you” Phil breathed as he turned around and set the gun down “Q will be pleased with these results”.

Dan beamed and Phil insides melted only slightly.

“Anytime, R, and you will always mean so much more than a single mark I encounter”. With that he walked out of the range with a singular salute in Phil’s direction.

***

 When Phil walked into Q branch the next morning, there was another note stuck to his desk, written in Dan’s extremely messy scrawl.

  _Meet me outside HQ at 4:00pm._

_You need 1930’s dress where we’re going ;) x_

Phil frowned. _1930’s dress?_ He thought _that is unusual._

“Another date?” Q quipped as he noticed Phil frowning at the note “my, my he is interested and the footage from your weapons test was simply sexual dear R”

“Oh shut it Q” Phil grumbled as he set down the note and sat at his laptop “now where do you get 1930’s dress in Vauxhall?”

 At this moment one of the minions piped up.

“A package was delivered before you arrived, R” he smiled “I believe it may be what you are looking for”.

“He has gone all out” Q mused.

“Yeah he has” Phil muttered as he started typing, willing the clock to go any faster.

***

The suit delivered was stunning. The dress shirt was pale blue and fitted perfectly. The jacket and trousers were fitted to hug every curve of his body and were a black with a dark blue sheen interwoven in. He changed in one of the gym changing rooms and made his way outside, careful not to ruin the suit.

 He walked through the halls of MI6 with a sense of uneasiness. He was never seen in suits usually in some graphic t-shirt with a jacket slung on or a jumper that he found in his wardrobe, but _never_ in a bespoke suit. It drew too much attention, he wasn’t meant to draw attention from _anyone_. Arriving outside to a classic car was enough to get Phil in a giddy mood but 003 in a similar suit leaning against the car made him practically ecstatic. The agent’s suit was all black, no surprises there, with a charcoal grey shirt underneath.

“Good evening R” 003 greeted pushing himself off of the car “you look stunning”

“As do you agent” Phil replied “where are we going?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out” Dan smirked “please get in”.

Phil got into the car, Dan following and nodded for the driver to take them to their destination.

It was to be an interesting night, to say the least.

***

 _The Secret Cinema presents The Grand Budapest Hotel_.

 Phil gaped as they walked through the completely constructed hotel. He loved the film the moment he watched and here he was, walking through the hotel that had looked like a faraway dream on his crappy TV.

“Like it R?” Dan said quietly as he linked arms with Phil as they arrived in the main ‘lobby’ area.

“Like it? It’s perfect Dan!” Phil giggled and kissed the agent on the cheek. He pulled back slightly stunned and saw a light pink dusting 003’s cheeks as he pulled away.

“Now where should we start?” Dan gestured

They explored all of the areas of the sets, at times Phil dragging Dan so they could look at everything. Interaction with the live actors was extremely fun with a few commenting that they were ‘a lovely couple’. Phil made no effort to deny it as he was enjoying the experience. They bought cocktails as they sat down for the screening not two hours later with Phil’s hand firmly in Dan’s.

***

“Thank you” Phil said as they walked up to his door of his house in Vauxhall.

“Anything for you, R” Dan answered as they reached the door. Phil steeled himself as he unlocked the door. He turned around and grabbed Dan by his suit collar and kissed him. The agent gasped in surprise until he responded in kind, grabbing Phil by his waist and pulling him closer. They only parted when oxygen became utterly necessary.

“It’s sexy when you take control” 003 breathed “please do it more often”

“Certainly” Phil grinned triumphantly “do you want to come in?”

“Oh god yes”. The agent leant in again capturing Phil’s lips as they stumbled through the doorway.

***

“Before anyone says anything yes I have hickeys” Phil announced “so you can stop staring”

The minions, however, couldn’t stop staring. Now two of their leaders had been seduced by 00’s, it was basically an invasion.

“003 was called out early this morning. Mission to Sweden involving an AWOL FBI agent” Phil continued as he placed his coffee on the main desk “battle stations people, this could get messy”

The agent arrived at Stockholm Arlanda airport around 2:00pm and prepared to meet the informant at AG restaurang upon arrival. The restaurant was a bustling place displaying impressive meat dishes to make any meat lovers mouth drool. Phil was beaming as Dan made his way through the restaurant, until he greeted the informant.

The informant was beautiful. Blonde hair and blue eyes with a lithe figure, any agents dream.

“Greetings” Phil could hear through the speakers “I didn’t know informants were this beautiful. I thought it was just a myth”.

He swallowed as he heard Dan flirt shamefully with the informant, who introduced herself as Sanna Jonson, and continued to make more and more moves and by the end of the dinner, was _inviting_ her to his hotel. Phil had felt the bile rising in his throat and tears in his eyes as the exchange went on. The minions watched in increasingly forming horror as the agent and informant walked through the streets and they flirted more and more. They saw their leader’s stance become more and more slumped. The silence that reigned was deafening.

“Will you come in?” the agent asked “and you can give me the information I was promised”. They could see the informant get closer even with the grainy CCTV footage of the hallway.

“I can give you something much better” she purred. Dan smirked and gestured as he opened the door.

“Then lead the way”

And Phil broke. The tears that he’d been holding back broke free from there barriers. He knelt down at the workstation and he emitted broken sobs as the door to the hotel shut.

“He said I was special” he sobbed “why did he have to lie?”

“R? R!” Eve and Q walked in to see there normally strong friend kneeling and sobbing at the main desk.

“HE LIED!” Phil cried out “he’s just gone and slept with an informant and I was stupid enough to believe I was his only one”. Q rushed forward cradling the man in his arms.

“It’s ok” he soothed “everything’s fine”

“I was going to give him my name Q” he whispered “when he came home but what’s the point now?”

“We’ll give him hell when he returns R” Moneypenny growled as they helped Phil up “don’t you worry”.

Phil nodded as he stumbled through Q Branch, not looking back.

***

The mission was extremely successful though 003 questioned his change of handler. He breezed into Q Branch a week later, when he knew R would be working late.

“R” he grinned when he saw Phil typing quickly on his laptop sorting out new modifications on 009’s gun.

“Agent” he said bitterly “enjoy the trip?”

“Very much so. Stockholm is a beautiful city” he answered smiling widely.

“Enjoy fucking the informant 003?” he hissed as he turned around and faced the agent.

“What?” 003 spluttered “I didn’t fuck anyone R-“

“I saw enough!” Phil burst out “leave! Just leave!”

“I didn’t sleep with anyone. Informant or not! You have to believe me” Dan plead.

“She went into your hotel room. I’m not stupid 003”.

“I didn’t sleep with her. I love you”. Phil was momentarily silenced before he answered

“I don’t love you”.

The agent bit back a sob as he walked out. He also heard the audible smash of a cup against a wall as he walked to M’s office.

_I don’t love you_

***

“You realise, 003, that this is a suicide mission” M cautioned “you may not come back” Dan laughed bitterly

“I have nothing left to lose sir”

***

“003 turn right and continue 50 metres until you reach the exit” Q said. Phil sat at his desk the agent made his way along the corridor.

“Agent there is a major assault coming your way” Q continued “Can you manage it?”

“Yes Q”

The fight was messy and broken. The agent didn’t look like he was truly fighting, just getting well placed shots and was letting the opposition easy shots.

“I may not hold out Q” the agent gasped out “how long before evac?”

“Thirty minutes, agent”

“Not long enough”.

Phil watched as 003 put himself in the line of fire again.

“Q-“.

Then a singular shot rung out.

“Q I’m hit” the agent choked out.

“I’m speeding up evac 003. You should be fine” Q answered “you’ll be alright. There was the sound of coughing and retching on the other end of the line.

“Is R there?” he heard being said weakly “I want to apologise. I never slept with that woman. She came onto me and I refused” he heard crying “it hurts Q”

“Dan, I’m here” Phil choked out as he watched the scene unfolded in front of him.

“R. I’m so sorry. I love you” he heard faintly. He sobbed as he walked towards the main screens.

“Phil” he admitted “my name is Phil”

“Thank you” he heard quietly.

Then the line went dead.

“Agent down”

The words resounded around Q Branch like a curse.

***

A simple memorial service was held in the days after 003’s death. No one was really sure how R survived and got on with his job. But they saw how his skin turned greyer and his clothes hung on his body. Someone even bought him a new R mug which he refused to use. There were rumours that he spent his nights searching for any sign of 003. Q and Moneypenny helped him as well, according to the minions of Q Branch.

Until the day 003 arrived at MI6 broken, beaten and bloodied, asking for Phil.

“I lived for him” he said as he pushed through the crowd “where is he?”

“Q Branch sir” a minion supplied “he might punch you”

“I deserve it” he grumbled.

The walk to Q Branch was long and arduous as people kept gaping at him and asking how he lived. It was irritating and slowed his task tenfold.

And of course a minion had to arrive before him.

“Sir” the minions shouted as they ran through Q Branch “there’s someone here to see R”.

“Who?” Phil intoned “I have no meetings today”

“I really hope you do R”. Phil gasped as he saw Dan walked, more limped, to him and grabbed his jumper.

“How?”

“You told me your name” he smiled as he gripped onto the jumper tighter, as if he was testing if Phil was there and he was _real._

“I love you” he whispered. Phil grinned as he grabbed onto Dan’s waist; unsure of what to do, but of knowing what to say? He said what he had wanted to say for a long time

“I love you too”. 003 grinned as Q Branch looked on, Q sipping his tea while typing new code and 007 avidly watching.

A normal day with a brand new beginning.

“Dan”

“Phil”

 

**FIN**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review and my tumblr is lovethenx-01 if you want to drop an ask etc.


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